I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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