I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
