no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
