I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
