I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
as a side note pls kill me
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