how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
