My Higher Power is John Stamos
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
