4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
