saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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