the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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