he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
