you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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