check it out our google latitudes are spooning
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
