Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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