I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
