I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize