Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My ass is underappreciated
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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