someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
