gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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