look no pants
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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