you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
