You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
