Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
