Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm like, not good at living.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
