Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
