Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
