If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
