"it" just moved
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize