i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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