It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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