She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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