Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
