im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
