I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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