I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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