So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
