In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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