I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
