That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
did you just send me my own nude
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
