She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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