Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
