I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I will die if light touches me.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
