a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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