see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
