I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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