I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i out mim tonsoeep
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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