He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
