it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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