Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
