He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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