I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
