Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
