Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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