just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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