I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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