These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
