I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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