I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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