I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
