You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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